How to lead a discussion

Dear friends,

Having a discussion on sensitive topics is always a tough and painful task to do, but no one else can talk about Ukraine better than Ukrainians.

We have compiled useful tips to make difficult conversations on important topics easier for you. Thus, you will be able to communicate information to your interlocutor persuasively.

Here is a brief list of our tips:

1. Know your interlocutor.
2. Establish your purpose and focus on it.
3. Stick to a clear logic while expressing your opinion.
4. Polish your discussion skills: control your emotions, respect your interlocutor’s emotions, and be an active listener.
5. Finish a conversation in a manner so that your interlocutor has a desire to return to your discussion.

Let’s have a close look at each tip.

Tip 1. Know your interlocutor

Learn more about your interlocutor and “try on” their experience, lifestyle, and values. Think what issue could be exciting and interesting to this person. Assess whether the person is friendly or not.

Why is it important? To convince a person, you have to keep contact with them and retain interest. This is possible only if the discussion is held at the level of values, interests, and language of the interlocutor. You should adjust yourself to their way of thinking and communication style.

Do not rely on your interlocutor having the same information and experience as you do. You will often have to explain the context: what happened and is going on in your country and your city, and what happened directly to you.

Always use simple language and do not overload your conversation with too many details or slang.

The key point: assess your interlocutor and clearly communicate your message.

Tip 2. Establish your purpose and focus on it

In the discussions about the war your purpose is to convey correct information about Ukraine, the Russia-Ukraine war, and the history of Ukraine to your interlocutor and eventually gain this person’s sincere support for Ukraine in its war against Russia.

It is impossible to convince an interlocutor if your goal is to prove them wrong. Therefore, you should not start the discussion with pointing at the person’s unawareness of some issues or erroneous policies of the person’s country of living. Show your respect for your interlocutor and try exactly to convince, and not impress or humiliate them. Refrain from accusing and offending the person or their motherland.

The key point: mind your purpose and show respect to your interlocutor.

Tip 3. Stick to your logic

Why is logic important in discussion? Logical language is easy to listen to, easy to follow, and therefore easy to understand.

Present your arguments and back them up with facts. The UAQA project will help you with this – you can use it even directly during a conversation.

After presenting a fact, it is worth adding up to three examples. The cases from your own experience would be especially effective and they might evoke the greatest emotional response. At the same time, it is better to begin exactly with the facts and rely on them as the interlocutor’s consciousness may ignore any example that does not comply with their set of facts.

If your interlocutor is negatively disposed, start convincing them with the strongest argument and then move on to the weaker ones. UAQA puts forward the arguments exactly in this order.

Use facts to refute your interlocutor’s theses which do not correspond to reality and do not follow from their arguments.

Tip 4. Control your emotions and be an active listener

Sincereness, openness, emotions are important in conversation and contribute to building a trustful dialogue. However, the latter are effective only when they are controlled, because uncontrolled emotions are taken by an interlocutor as weakness or aggression. Try to speak in a calm and even voice.

The practice of active listening will help you to show respect for the interlocutor and control your own emotions. In addition, active listening helps to understand the person’s interests better and select proper arguments for the discussion.

•   Make eye contact with your interlocutor. Show them that you are really listening to them: do not talk on the phone or get distracted on social media during the conversation, etc.
•   Do not interrupt your interlocutor. First listen, then speak.
•   Refrain from finishing your interlocutor’s sentences or answering a question with a question.
•   Do not think over your answer while the person has not finished speaking. This is easy to see. Consider your answer when your interlocutor finishes speaking.
•   Repeat what the interlocutor said with your own words. This is necessary to make sure that you got them right.
•   Maintain a comfortable distance from your interlocutor, do not hover over them. Unequal positions may trigger resistance and provoke a conflict.
•   Show your openness and friendliness with your body language. Avoid unfriendly poses and moves: try to not cross your arms or bang your fist. Such nonverbal signals may force the other person to shield themselves – and they will not take your arguments seriously.
•   If you feel a flush of anger during a conversation, focus on what is around you. Try to count five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste.
•   You should also accept your emotions without trying to justify or understand them. Accepting your feelings without trying to explain them is sometimes helpful and has a calming effect.
•   If you feel that you cannot handle your emotions, simply leave the discussion. It will be much better than keeping an empty emotional dispute.

Tip 5. Analyze the interlocutor’s behavior

If the interlocutor shows emotions, try to understand the causes: maybe they were triggered by your disrespect, their compassion or fear? When you understand the reason, it will be easier for you to find arguments for the discussion.

We will soon publish an additional guide on how to interpret the interlocutor’s body language and act in line with your purpose.

Tip 6. End the discussion properly

The only correct conclusion of a discussion is ensuring that your interlocutor has a desire to continue the conversation. Even if you did not manage to convince the person, always end your discussion in a positive and friendly manner. Never lose control over your emotions and if you feel a stream of negativity, leave the discussion.

Even if you lose control over your emotions, always thank for the conversation and for an opportunity to listen to and understand a different opinion, etc. A conversation with you should leave the following impression: “And yet Ukrainians are real Europeans and nice people.”

Use our website before possible discussions. Even a little preparation for a conversation with foreigners with the help of UAQA and other reliable sources will arm you with arguments and facts that will help you achieve the desired result – communicate correct and not defamed by Russian fiction information about Ukraine, its history, and the Russia-Ukraine war.

We wish you productive discussions!